Now let’s speak about marriage. I’m not talking about the romcom kind of marriages. Instead, let’s talk about the real marriages – those that are beautifully chaotic www.connectionscs.com/marriage-and-family/. Think about a trip on which your GPS went out of order.
Now I can see what you’re saying. Marriage Therapy sounds like one last desperate effort before you divide the furniture and decide who gets custody. The reality is quite different. The best thing to do is call in the mechanics before they completely fall apart. Imagine rolling with your partner on the unpredictable road that is life. Suddenly potholes pop up–it could be from stress in the workplace, residual tensions of Thanksgiving past, or simply untied socks. It’s not always easy to communicate.
A marriage therapist is a veteran traveler. This is because they know how to navigate this road and which detours work. This pit stop is to examine the flashing engine light. Like finding a toolkit to help disassemble and rebuild frictional points.
Jim and Lisa disagreed over how best to fold the towels. Not about the towel. Feeling heard, respected, and appreciated was the goal. The therapist set up a setting where seemingly trivial things, such as sneezes and cries could come to the surface. This revealed more profound truths.
The advice isn’t free. A therapist is someone who listens. Really listens. It helps couples discover frequencies that were previously unknown. How about tuning a vintage radio? Miscommunication is similar to the scratchy sounds between two stations. Therapy adjusts dials.
Also, therapy does more than just solve conflict. In many cases, it flips on awareness. Couples become more aware of the little things which were hidden under the daily grind. During a particular animated session, Alex discovered his spouse’s hidden ability to do cartoon voices. A good laugh can break the tension between people and bring them together.
Communication is the key. Exchanges that are meaningful and not simply “How did you like your day?” can be very helpful, especially if stress is high. The first time you open the jar, it’s like trying to crack an old jar of Pickles without the gripper. When the seal finally breaks, though, it feels refreshing.
It’s normal to expect surprises in therapy. A silence may stretch too far, before being broken by an insight. Even though words may tumble and emotions might spill, a marriage specialist knows how to help them build something strong.
Relief doesn’t happen overnight. You can’t expect instant relief. Instead, think of it like learning how to ballroom dance. You may initially step on toes, but you soon glide along in rhythm. With each step, you find more unity. To help the dances flow, therapists will provide a music sheet.
Then there’s humor. Humor sneaks its way into meetings unannounced. It offers an escape from serious discussions. It’s sometimes helpful to poke fun at silly arguments that started. You may realize that both you and the other person hate olives but still order them. Shared laughter can bring people together more tightly than they realize.
Marriage therapists may not know all of the answers. No one can map the ideal route. Instead they guide couples in charting their path, together. This helps them rediscover what brought them to this adventure. As the road winds and turns, don’t forget that embracing your obstacles is part of your life story.